Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
Chapter 11
The Nature of Conflict
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Conflict:
an expressed struggle between at least 2 interdependent parties who perceive
incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in
achieving their goals
Conflict Defined
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“Expressed Struggle”- both
parties must be aware of the problem for conflict to exist
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“Perceived Incompatible Goals”-
looks as if one party’s gain would be the other’s loss
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“Perceived Scarce Rewards”-
not enough of something to be shared by both parties
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“Interdependence”- parties
are usually dependent on each other to some degree
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“Interference from the other
party”- when one party takes action against the other party
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Conflict is natural
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Disagreements are inevitable &
unavoidable
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Every relationship of any depth
has conflict
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Can arise when one person’s
actions, ideas or goals don’t match the other persons
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How conflict is resolved is most
important
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Conflict can be beneficial
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Constructive arguments can be
positive
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The way the parties argue
determines how they feel about the relationship
Personal Conflict Styles
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Nonassertive Behavior:
the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict
situation
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Direct Aggression:
expression of criticism or demand the threatens the face of whom the aggression
is directed to
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Passive Aggression:
occurs when a party expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative
way
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Indirect Communication:
conveys a message in a roundabout manner to save face for the recipient
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Assertion:
when the speaker expresses their needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly without
judging or dictating to others
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Which style is best? Consider
these factors:
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The Relationship
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The Situation
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The Other Person
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Your Goals
Conflict in Relational Systems
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Relational Conflict Style:
a pattern of managing disagreements
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Complementary Conflict Style:
partners use different but mutually reinforcing acts
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Symmetrical Conflict Style:
partners use the same behaviors, mirror each other
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Parallel Conflict Style:
partners shift between complementary & symmetrical
Intimate and Aggressive Styles
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Nonintimate-Aggressive
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Partners fight but are
unsuccessful at satisfying important content & relational goals
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Nonintimate-Nonaggressive
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Partners avoid conflict and each
other
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Intimate-Aggressive
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Partners argue aggressively but
value the relationship enough to make up every time
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Intimate-Nonaggressive
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Low attacking & blaming done in an
argument to protect the relationship
Understanding Conflict Styles
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ACTIVITY
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Page 382
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Get in groups of 2 or 3 people
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Pick a conflict from the list or
design your own
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Role-play this conflict using all
4 of the styles
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Individually, write out which
conflict style you use the most and describe how well it works for you. Also
describe ways to improve upon your style that would help your relationships
Homework
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Answer all the questions
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Print your results
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Write a paragraph reflecting on
the results
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Bring to the next class for 5
points
Conflict Styles
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Competing
(Forcing): Win-Lose
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1 party wins, 1 party loses, like
in sports
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Sometimes necessary with limited
resources
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Collaborating:
Win-Win
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Goal satisfies the needs of
everyone involved
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Compromising:
Partial Lose-Partial Lose
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Both parties win some and lose
some to agree
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Accommodating:
Lose-Win
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Avoiding:
Lose-Lose
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Both parties are not happy with
the outcome
Conflict Rituals
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Conflict Rituals:
usually unacknowledged but very real pattern of interlocking acts
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These can be OK as long as all
parties accept these as ways to manage conflict
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Rituals can cause problems if they
are the ONLY way that relational partners can resolve their conflicts
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Rituals may be comfortable but
they are not always the best way to manage conflict
Your Conflict Rituals
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Activity, page 383
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Describe 1 negative conflict
ritual in an important relationship
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Answer all 4 questions for the
conflict ritual you have named
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Describe how you can improve the
negative conflict ritual and change it to become more positive
Variables in Conflict Styles
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Gender
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Males more likely to be demanding
while females are more likely to be cooperative
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Men are more direct during a
conflict while women are more concerned with the relationship
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Culture
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Individualism versus collectivism
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High & low context styles
Win-Win Comm. Skills
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Step 1-Identify your problem &
unmet needs
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Own the problem & word it
accordingly
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Realize the problem is actually
yours
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Step 2-Pick the right time & place
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Find a time that is right to
confront the party
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Step 3-Describe your problems and
needs
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Use the Clear Message Format as
needed
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Step 4-Consider the other point of
view
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Ask for their opinion and really
reflect on it
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Step 5-Negotiate a Solution
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Find a way to meet your’s and
other’s needs
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Step 6-Follow up the Solution
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Re-visit issue if original
solution doesn’t work
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Comm. Scenarios “Win-Win
Problem Solving”
Constructive Conflict: Q & A
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Q: Isn’t the win-win approach too
good to be true?
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A: Reaching a mutual beneficial
goal is always the best way to solving problems
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Q: Isn’t the win-win approach too
elaborate?
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The situation may call for less
formal steps
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Q: Isn’t win-win negotiating too
rational?
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May be impossible when you are
angry
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Q: Is it possible to change
others?
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Show how their self-interest works
with yours